not sure what i should talk about. it can definitely feel, the next morning after a day that was relatively easy, like there's not much to say about parenting. maybe i don't need to talk about parenting. maybe i can just babble on about other stuff.
how about the food problem? i guess it's probably not just me who finds it tiresome and hard to regularly prepare/cook healthy food because there's just so little time when you're the full-time caretaker of a baby. i think i always feel too much guilt around when i fail at eating in an ideal way. it's funny how the bar has crept upwards, where once upon a time i felt like i was eating so well if i got in a few veggies per week, and now i'm feeling like i'm getting it wrong if i don't eat a large quantity of veggies every day. even just last night, i ate a giant pile of brussels sprouts, probably a pound of them, and because i ate it with rice, it doesn't seem to register for me as being healthy.
i do wish i could just have a live-in household helper. they could cook and clean and then when i need to do some organizing tasks, they could play with E. sigh, wouldn't that be lovely?
regardless of how much vegetation i'm eating, i definitely need to be dropping some pounds. i have this numb/tingling spot on my hip and it's making it hard to sleep since i can only sleep comfortably on my left side, just like during pregnancy. i need to be walking regularly. i need these fires to be done with so the air is clean enough for me to walk.
i keep thinking, a few times each day, for a fleeting moment, that i need to work on E's 2nd birthday presents. it feels so lame to me to consider purchasing something i could make for her. imagine the difference between growing up with toys your mom made for you, versus, just some random toys your parents bought? i just feel so good about having built her that gazebo. it was like a love letter to that baby! i want to keep doing this. part of me feels like if she could decide based on her criteria right now, she'd probably say, okay, guys, no, don't spend time making things for me, just spend time with me. i know that it's just ME who wants this, me who needs some time away from the otherwise full-time task of parenting.
on that note, the full-time thing, i really want to know when i can expect that baby to stop nursing so many times in the night! i feel like her need for co-regulation is so high, and she winds down so slowly, that nursing her back to sleep just makes sense as something that's needed, and it may be the way it is parenting this kind of child. i think i'm mostly at peace with it these days. i think part of me is expecting that when she finishes this current batch of teething, it'll be a lot less frequent wake-ups. can't be sure what to expect, so i just wait.
sometimes i think what i SHOULD be journaling is all the wonderful things that baby does! just yesterday she picked up the letter Y and held it by the stem and said "V!" and i said, oh, yeah, when you cover this up, it does look like a V, but (and then i mumbled to myself about how i needed to find the actual V, don't recall exactly what i said) and she had toddled away, and i thought, oh well, she's too young, she's not interested in learning all this stuff. but then she said, from across the room, "i got it!" in that way she does, and i look up and she's retrieved the ACTUAL letter V from way across the room. which means she not only knew what letter it was, but remembered where it had been deposited. which is amazing. my baby, not even 2 years old, is recognizing letters. entire words, at times. she can ask for books by title, even complicated titles like "i promise" and "dream animals" and she asks for Dr. Seuss' Sleep Book by saying "moose juice goose juice". so lovable.
today's journaling wasn't much of tapping into my feelings, but i'm glad i wrote that stuff down about her, in case i don't find time to put it in her baby book any time soon. so i don't forget. i feel tired today. definitely wishing i'd slept in.
No comments:
Post a Comment